Thursday, July 31, 2008

Random? Fluff? Almond Butter? sounds like a high caliber Cinemax movie

My kitchen needs replenishing, but I really hate grocery shopping so I try to delay it as much as possible. Sometimes, I get bored of eating the same breakfast food every morning, so I bypass the entire process. However, I regret it later when my stomach loudly protests, while I am talking to someone.

Real Life example:
Me: "Yeah, so last night I was watching this really awesome (the conversation is interrupted by a Grendelian growl 'BRAWOOOOWWWuuuuuuuWOWOOWWWuuuuuu'. Others look around not knowing where to flee)."

Silence, more silence, awkward silence....

Me: Soooo, don't worry that wasn't Grendel, or his mother, it was my stomach. Hmmm, can I have a piece of your bagel? Apparently, I have to feed the inner beast.

Anyway, after many awkward looks, I do my best to not skip breakfast. Today, I had a fabulous feast. I toasted two whole wheat slices of bread, smeared fluff on one slice (holy moly, what a fabulous invention. Queen Fierce just introduced me to this miraculous food product), and I smeared Trader Joe's almond butter on the other slice. I smushed them together and went to town. Take that, lame-ass butter!

Why am I writing this? I don't know, I don't have any makeup around me, and I want to let the five readers know that I am about more than just lipsticks and foundations. I am also about bread and fluff.

Tip of the Day: When using speed dial on your phone, be sure to always make sure you are calling the person intended. If your finger happens to slip and call the wrong person, and it is too late to hang up, play it off. Immediately recover from the shock and confusion by saying "Sorry, someone just asked me a question while the phone was ringing ,'I will get back to you soon, I am on the phone.'" Never admit that you really didn't want to talk to him/her, or that you haven't wanted to talk to the person for the last month. The best rescue line is "Hey, you were in my dream, and I figured I should call you. How's it going?" You won't look or feel like an ass, and the person will feel wanted.

If you really hate the person, you shouldn't have his/her number on speed dial in the first place. Plus, you really won't care about how the person feels, or how you convey yourself. Be as nasty as you want.

Any fun, fast breakfast recipes?

1 comment:

Elvira said...

LMAOOOOO! You are too funny. Thanks for the speed dial tip!
P.S. Marshmallow Fluff is the Food Of the Gods!